I am going to GET REAL honest here. Parenting is hard; you have heard me say this time and time again. There were times when I doubted myself. There were times I laid on the bathroom floor and cried and begged God to help me. Life has thrown curve balls at me for some time now.
I had an emotional day the other day. I literally cried most of the day in between sales calls. Why? Because Antonio had some new assessments and evaluations. For some reason, my anxiety was through the roof. I had to hurry up and leave so I could have a panic attack in my car before driving home. I had to take a deep breath and think of God during this time.
Why a panic attack?
Because at that moment in time nothing else mattered but Antonio. I used to pray so hard to God to make Antonio talk. I hated the word autism at first. I hated life. But since making changes in our lives, we saw the progress that we needed. That is what I should have been praying for instead of speaking. He can follow directions and listen and imitate; the list goes on and on. They told us that he’s 40 months old, but developmentally he’s at 30 months old. This moment is when my panic attack kicked in. Hearing that was like a victory dance! We are finally catching up, we aren’t slowing down, and he’s doing amazzzing. Some could argue with this, but going dairy and gluten-free has been the best decision ever. I’m forever happy and grateful for our health insurance and aba team.
I had the hardest time adapting to these obstacles of being an autistic child’s mother. But I had to do what I had to do. I would cry and beg everyone for any help. I didn’t know what to do about any of it. All that needed doing was to get him some therapy and patience, and it would all fix itself in time.
Due to the many obstacles in life, I have changed a lot. I have started journaling, having a better schedule, allowing family time, less screen time, more kid activities, more physical activity, going to church, and self-care. Because all of this does matter, you cannot be by your children all day every day. It will DRAIN you and your life out. Trust me on this. All we can do is pray and know that time will get us through anything!
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