You can always fix something yourself but not if the other person isn’t willing. I don’t know. I’d rather fight for something than give up. Some might not agree. I genuinely believe that you can fight and work through just about anything. Yes, even an affair. But BOTH people need to be willing to forgive, accept, and be there for each other. Both people need to fight. That is it. When the other isn’t willing, it’s not worth it, and the damage is done.
It might be so hard, but trust me. If two people do not want to agree on making changes to move forward, this is when a divorce may happen. It takes a 50/50 effort. You both have to fight and make changes. You both have to take the blame and fight like HELL.
Things change; people change, or we merely realize what’s important. OR maybe our priorities shift. I still think I have a lot of the same characteristics now that I had when my ex married me all those years ago… But now, I have more focused goals such as my career and my son.
Did I neglect my husband at the time? Maybe. But it was difficult. I couldn’t find the balance. I don’t know if finding the balance would make it any better or worse, but we live in the moment and take it for what it’s worth.
I used to think I failed at my marriage, but I do not anymore. You have to forgive yourself. There comes a time when you realize you have tried everything. You recognize that the other person has already moved on and it isn’t worth fighting for anymore. When you forgive yourself, you know that you have not failed and you have been successful at trying. You have to accept that it is okay to let go. Letting go is going to feel like you just had a death in the family. Know that you are strong and can endure.
So yes, I wanted another kid. Yes, I wanted my marriage to work. Yes, I wanted my business to blossom. Yes, I wanted all these things. Yes, I wanted to grow old with my ex. But things change. I never saw it ending like this, never. However, sometimes life happens and we have to be thankful for the steps we took to get there. There is no one to blame; it was 50/50. But I do know that I am moving forward in a positive direction confidently and learning from my past. I do not regret any of this, yet I don’t understand how things could still be this way.
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8 thoughts on “I Will Never Understand Divorce”
Moving forward and not having regrets is so important! Things happen, and it is unfortunate, but at least you can learn from it and move forward!
My parents were divorced and I have been as well. Even after livving with the consequences for practically my entire life, I don’t fully understand it either. What I do know is that it is possible to have a flourishing, happy life after divorce!
YES! I am looking forward to it.
You’re so right – things can happen or feelings can change. Some things are irreparable. I’m glad you’re able to move forward!
I can relate to this with my past relationship. It is very hard to give up on someone when all you want is to push forward. However if that someone doesn’t want to push forward sometimes you have to accept defeat and go your separate ways. I am married now but my exboyfriend and I had been together for almost 6 years and I had planned on us getting married and being together forever. My exboyfriend though eventually gave up on our relationship and didn’t want to try to rekindle a spark after I had graduated nursing school. I had to just learn to let him go and I’m better for that and now happily married to someone who actually wants to be married to me.
thank you for sharing your story. YES agreed it takes time and I will be better off.