There comes a time in life when things change and don’t go as planned and when life takes a turn for the worst. That time for me was a divorce. I look back and try to see what I could have fixed and done differently, but there wasn’t much. I have a new perspective now.
My son came first, and my marriage crashed. Read that again. Yes, I put my son first, and my marriage collapsed. I knew my husband needed me, but I didn’t know what he needed. I felt like I had to take care of my son and let my husband go through whatever he needed to in the meantime. When I had a mental break down, I needed my time and couldn’t relate at all to my husband.
There were many issues that I see now. It takes two, and I do not blame myself for all of it, but I do know that I worked so hard to focus on myself, business, and son. I didn’t know what to do when my ex went through a bad state of mind. I offered support and help, but I honestly didn’t know what to do nor how to accept and understand things. Our lives are so crazy as wives, parents, etc. We know that everything else always comes first, and it’s tough. I never gave him the attention he needed. I worked hard day and night because I needed to.
Other factors caused our marriage to fall apart as well. I do not need to get all into it, but the truth is, I literally felt like I had to hold my family together, so he could come out on top and get over whatever funk he was going through. I could have done things differently. I was tired and focused on what I needed to do. But truth be told, things happen for a reason. I am not sure why it played out the way that it did, but it did. I might not ever understand it, but we get through whatever life throws at us, right?
Some professionals could have helped him. I know I was his wife, but I couldn’t understand what he was dealing with or how to fix anything OR even realized how bad he was until it was too late. I let him down, and I own that. However, I didn’t let myself or my son down, and sometimes things work out for a reason we don’t know yet. It takes two, and communication is key. I didn’t catch a lot of things when he was in his negative state of mind. We could have communicated better and tried to get help sooner, but there is an explanation for why it happened this way. I can’t go back; I can only look forward.
When I went through a mental breakdown, I didn’t know what I was feeling or doing. I shut my ex-husband out at that point because I was scared and embarrassed. After seeking help, I came out fine; I thought the same could happen to him. I guess males are different than females. When I got help, I felt happier and more like myself. I felt like I was able to live again. To this day, I still see a counselor because it allows me to gather my thoughts and work on myself. After all, if we aren’t content with ourselves, can we be happy with anyone else?
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