The time after a divorce is by far the hardest, ever. I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this. One day I am in denial and the next, acceptance. It is going through a ton of emotions. I feel happy and confident one day, then the next day, I experience the lowest self-esteem.
I feel like I am not good enough and haven’t ever been good enough. Internally, I am still struggling with a lot that needs to be taken care of, but I know that I am an okay person, and so is my ex. We merely didn’t get along and had different goals.
The building or regaining of your confidence after a divorce is no different than building and regaining your confidence after any major life event. Start taking the necessary steps to pick up the pieces of your life and begin to rebuild it and move forward. You are in charge, and you need to understand that first and foremost.
There are six general stages of recovering after a divorce. You will go through them all. It is the same process as when you lose someone to death, but I personally think this is much harder. We have to cope and overcome; forgive yourself and the other person. YES, the other person. I highly recommend going to counseling or therapy for your own sake. It will help you as a person.
After the general stages, you come to the steps for recovery. This process is where you begin to build your confidence, slowly. Each person is different, and there will be some different thoughts on how to regain that confidence.
- The Mind: Your mind has to overcome a lot of obstacles. For months, I overthought everything day in and day out. How did I let the thoughts go? A few ways. I started to go to church weekly so that I could regain my faith. This action helped me a TON. I, of course, still went to see my therapist. This step always helps me because I can talk about whatever and get experience and thoughts about how to move forward.
- Let it Go: You literally have to let go of everything in the past. You didn’t do anything wrong, it is what it is, and you need to let it go. There will come a time when you are ready to let it go; it took me about four months before I was really able to do so. It happened when I realized there was nothing I could do, and needed to focus on my future instead of the past and my ex.
- Refocus: You need to put your focus on something besides your divorce ending. I put my focus on myself and my son. By doing this, I was able to focus on my business and the growth of my son. I realized that this was more important than anything and my son needed mommy to focus.
- Reinvent Yourself: Now is the time to find yourself again. If you always had doubts, goals, or dreams, now is the time to capitalize on those. I knew that I wanted my business now more than ever. I was not going to stop at all. I realized that I needed to get things done on my own and figure out what I liked and didn’t like. It was a time for me to reconnect with old friends and have fun.
Know that things happen; we cannot live our lives unhappily. I still do not understand how this can happen to this day, but I look forward now and let it be. I let go of all of those thoughts and realized I could only change and work on myself and not someone else. Have you ever gone through a divorce? Did you overcome it?
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