What is Selfish, Are We All Selfish?

Lately, I hear so many people talking about being selfish. It bothers me and gets me thinking. What does it mean? Aren’t we all a little selfish to some extent?  

We think selfishness is a person who lacks any concern for the values of others. This individual is someone who does not value other people or fairness or does not go out of their way for someone else. Those that are selfish think the world owes them and that there is no benefit to helping or serving someone else.

Why talk about this? Because I think we need less of it. We need to care for others and go out of our way for others, especially those we love. I never realized this until now. I appreciate so many people around me and want to do more for them. I want to help others.


  • How am I doing more of this? I donated a ton of baby stuff to a family in need. It is one of those things that you feel good about because you know that they actually need the items. I could have taken it to a shop and gotten some money for it all, but it isn’t even worth it.
  • I started to send thank you cards/notes to clients and vendors. I love letting people know that I think about them and appreciate them. When is the last time you did something good for someone?
  • Whenever I get something from someone (no matter how big or small), I feel important and special. I have received some cute and adorable stuff over the years from various people, and there is nothing better than that feeling.
  • I have missed out on weddings, birthdays, showers, etc. because of life. I feel like I need to go back and send something out to let them know I was thinking of them and was selfish. I can’t blame being busy and life anymore.

I can be selfish sometimes, where I only want to do what I want to do and do them my way. Maybe there is some stubborn streak in me, too. But the bottom line is that we should use the word selfish to mean something more and to help out others. Check in on your friends and stop judging them whenever possible.

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I Was Too Busy for My Husband; My Marriage Crashed

There comes a time in life when things change and don’t go as planned and when life takes a turn for the worst. That time for me was a divorce. I look back and try to see what I could have fixed and done differently, but there wasn’t much. I have a new perspective now.

My son came first, and my marriage crashed. Read that again. Yes, I put my son first, and my marriage collapsed. I knew my husband needed me, but I didn’t know what he needed. I felt like I had to take care of my son and let my husband go through whatever he needed to in the meantime. When I had a mental break down, I needed my time and couldn’t relate at all to my husband.


There were many issues that I see now. It takes two, and I do not blame myself for all of it, but I do know that I worked so hard to focus on myself, business, and son. I didn’t know what to do when my ex went through a bad state of mind. I offered support and help, but I honestly didn’t know what to do nor how to accept and understand things. Our lives are so crazy as wives, parents, etc. We know that everything else always comes first, and it’s tough. I never gave him the attention he needed. I worked hard day and night because I needed to.

Other factors caused our marriage to fall apart as well. I do not need to get all into it, but the truth is, I literally felt like I had to hold my family together, so he could come out on top and get over whatever funk he was going through. I could have done things differently. I was tired and focused on what I needed to do. But truth be told, things happen for a reason. I am not sure why it played out the way that it did, but it did. I might not ever understand it, but we get through whatever life throws at us, right?

Some professionals could have helped him. I know I was his wife, but I couldn’t understand what he was dealing with or how to fix anything OR even realized how bad he was until it was too late. I let him down, and I own that. However, I didn’t let myself or my son down, and sometimes things work out for a reason we don’t know yet. It takes two, and communication is key. I didn’t catch a lot of things when he was in his negative state of mind. We could have communicated better and tried to get help sooner, but there is an explanation for why it happened this way. I can’t go back; I can only look forward.

When I went through a mental breakdown, I didn’t know what I was feeling or doing. I shut my ex-husband out at that point because I was scared and embarrassed. After seeking help, I came out fine; I thought the same could happen to him. I guess males are different than females. When I got help, I felt happier and more like myself. I felt like I was able to live again. To this day, I still see a counselor because it allows me to gather my thoughts and work on myself. After all, if we aren’t content with ourselves, can we be happy with anyone else?

 

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Marriage: When/How to Know It’s Time to Let Go

When it is time to let go.

There are only some parts of life you can change or fix. You cannot correct someone else or their problems. Rather, you can only fix yourself and work on yourself. If the other person isn’t wanting to make changes or move forward, then there is nothing you can do. I have to say that I am all about self-development. I don’t mind going to counseling, etc. So, if the other person isn’t seeing wrongdoings that they did, then it’s not going to matter. I don’t want to be with that person.

I go to counseling to help make myself better, to realize my goals, and to help me understand myself better. We all need self-growth at one point or another. We need to let our thoughts and feelings out so that we can move forward. Again, this is all so great. The other person needs to be willing to want to save or help their marriage/self.

There comes a time when you have to let go, though. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt like hell; like NOTHING ELSE you’ve felt before. You will feel sick every day. You will feel hate and anger. Tears will fall. You won’t sleep or eat. You will overeat. This cycle will continue for what seems like FOREVER. However, it’ll only last for a little while. Eventually, the period will get longer and longer, so you can be stronger in no time.

How do you let go?

I wish I had an answer. A lot of things in my life changed to move forward. I found a support system. I focused on me and my goals, leaned on God + my parents, and opened up to people around me. Also, I worked out and took care of my son. I realized what I had to do to move forward and make myself better all in time.

Don’t think it won’t hurt. You will be better in the long-run; remember, the long-run is going to take time. I used to believe that there was always hope. You know, you think of the love movies, and people come around. Or you hear about your friends getting remarried to the same guy years later. Whatever it is, do not think about it. For it to come back to you, you need to let go and do you. It is going to be the HARDEST action ever. I went through three deployments with my ex, and this is WAY more difficult than that. This stint is worse than mono and childbirth. God prepared me for this through all of those fierce battles.

Stop over-thinking and act on the future. Imagine your future. Where do you want to be? Who do you want to be? How will you go on and take care of yourself? Focus on YOU, and don’t let anything get in the way. What’s meant to be will always find a way.

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How Exercising Every Day Changed My Life

I have never been super active, besides dancing. I have always loved dance. My brothers were runners, etc. but not me. I enjoyed the flexibility and creativity. When I had my son over three years ago, I gained 55 lbs. I overate and wanted to make sure he was taken care of above all else.

After the pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight, but not enough to feel good about myself. I was too tired and too lazy to care about my well being. I didn’t think I needed to lose weight until I’d look in the mirror. Once my son started to get older, I wanted to drop the pounds even more, but instead, I found out that I was stressed and would keep eating. And I would eat whole candy bars… in one sitting.

It was sad and embarrassing. I could do that every day. Pre-pregnancy I wouldn’t ever gain a pound, and it wouldn’t matter. Once you go through pregnancy everything changes. I still to this day try to lose weight. It has been so hard and if I don’t see immediate results, is it even worth it? Even when I would see the tiniest results, I would get excited. I started to realize that the weight wasn’t the problem, though.


The thing is…  exercise is more about self-care than dropping pounds or getting toned. It’s true. Those are good perks, but it shouldn’t be the sole reason to do it. I started to feel really good about myself, take a ton of selfies, and feel sexier. I began to feel like I could take on the world! But beyond that, there are so many other factors.

Here are a few reasons why I genuinely enjoy exercising now.

  • Breathing techniques: I can breathe whenever I get stressed because I have the right breathing techniques whenever I am working out. Breathing helps release those emotions and stress that we all need to get rid of from time to time.
  • Flexibility: let’s say that when you don’t work out, you get tired more quickly. It seems as though you can take the stairs instead of the elevator and not feel exhausted so fast. You can sense that your legs can handle a lot more.
  • Stress relief: This is the number one element that most people work out for and it truly works, something about finishing a workout makes you feel so good. You realize that you are powerful and can let go of the issues at hand. You forget about the problems and recognize that you are feeling much better.
  • Routine: my family and I are all about routines. We love being on schedules. I work out at the same time, and it helps the time pass by. It allows me to get tasks done and plan around it.
  • Diet: you realize when you work out you don’t eat as much because you’re getting more toned or smaller, whatever it might be. You put down that doughnut instead of trying to say “just this one.” Why? Because you know you worked hard for your health and fitness goals.

I work out right at home, putting together my own fitness goals and tasks. I switch up exercises daily and keep myself going. It doesn’t matter what you do or how you do it; just do it. Get going and burn those calories.

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Social Media Can Ruin Your Life

Growing up we always had some sort of social media – AOL messenger, MySpace, Facebook, now we have a million different forms. Right?  The problem is that people don’t see why social media ruins certain aspects and how it should be used. Social media is a way to connect with friends and people. It seems that businesses run their brands on there and do well.

But when you are on it personally for yourself, yikes. It gets rough. How many freakin’ platforms do you need to be on actively? How many selfies do you need to take? How many times do you have to post the same picture to all the platforms? Why do we feel the need to do all that? It’s annoying. What else is annoying is all the freaking filters that come with it. The never-ending selfies and filters are NOT cute and makes you look ridiculous. I merely am being honest here.

Don’t forget to add in the messenger. You have to respond to people and then like what they say to you and respond to direct messages. What in the world have we become? But then when the moment comes where you need to have an in-person communication, people would rather text the information. WHAT? I am not good with speaking words but can write my words like a boss. So, I get it. But I would write something out, then read it to someone before I can text it.  

I like how phones let you know how much time you spend on social media now; it’s interesting to see how much time you waste on bits that actually do matter. AS a business owner, I have to keep up on all these platforms. But there comes a time when we have to let it go and get off our phones/computers. Business or personal, whatever it is. It needs to stop.

So how does social media truly ruin your life?

  1. Work: There is nothing worse than working in a corporate job and letting them see what you post. One post can end your career. Trust me, I have seen many people have this happen. You have to be careful with what you post and say. Even if your profile is personal, it still needs to be professional. You are not a teenager, don’t post that you are getting wasted. Don’t post that you hate your job. Don’t post that you hate your marriage. It affects your future, career, and personal life. 
  2. Marriage: This one is near and dear to me. People used to be worried about texting or phone calls. Now, there is Snapchat and Instagram where information can be deleted and hidden from your significant other. It can literally cost your marriage and life. Eventually, the truth will come out, and it will be what it is.
  3. Can we just use social media for posting uplifting posts? Can we use it to engage with our favorite businesses and friends? Go ahead and post selfies, but we don’t need your whole newsfeed to be saturated by it. Share with the world something positive and a story with that selfie so someone can relate to it.

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Texting is HORRIBLE we should all stop doing it.

I hate texting. Texting is dangerous. As we get older we start to realize that texting is horrible and should be taken away from us. Have you ever sent a text and got it interpreted the wrong way? Have you ever sent a mean text and wish you hadn’t? Have you ever sent a drunk text? We should stop doing all these things. Its harder as adults for a few reasons.. 

Why texting is bad 

  • We cant read the attitude or sarcasm: Think about the time when you have gotten a text and read it all the wrong way. Think about the time you got a text and didn’t even understand it and instead you sent a text back that was WAYY out of line. This happens so many times to people. We just want to respond, but often times respond with the wrong words.
  • We cant go back on our word: Once we say it in a text, we can’t delete it. We can’t delete words in real life either. We need to stop and think before we respond verbally, emotionally, or through text. It is tough. We are human and have emotions, so make sure to think before acting always. Words can hurt sometimes more than actual physical abuse.
  • Screenshots or saved chats: If you are going through something, or might be in the near future, then texting can be a bad thing. People will screenshot so that they can keep it and hold it against you. This is one of the worst things about texting. Even if they have no reason to save it, they might for a rainy day. Truth.

There are a ton of reasons why texting is bad. The next time you go to send a text think about it before it happens. You can’t go back in texts so make sure that you are saying what you mean.         

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It is Okay to Cry

I wish more people would understand this. I feel like people are ashamed to cry or think it’s a sign of weakness it’s not. Emotions are real and if you don’t release them then you won’t be happy. You won’t be happy with yourself. It’s really that simple.  

Its okay to say sorry. I think people are afraid of being wrong. I don’t mind being wrong at all. I don’t mind apologizing when I was wrong. I think this is another thing that the world needs more of. If I do not let out my crying, I end up having a panic attack because I have all these emotions built up that cant be released.  

Why don’t more people understand and get that? Going through this divorce I did both of these things and I gained how to move forward. I realized that I needed to do both for my son. I want him to grow up knowing it’s okay to cry and say his sorry. It’s not a sign  of weakness and no one will make fun of you. 

I’ll tell you a quick story. When I know a divorce was coming I fought to try to stop it. I went to church and literally cried the whole time because everything made sense to me! So with that being said, I went out to breaksfat with some friends afterwards. I ordered sausage and gravy because I don’t have it enough!!I miss it in Nashville. One girl ordered steak and eggs and wanted medium rare. I bawled my eyes. I couldn’t hold it together. I had realized how much a best friend affects you. It was his favorite food, steak. I cried most of the breakfast. The girls didn’t know the whole story but they said “it’s brave of you to cry here we have all been through stuff we respect you and will pray for you.” I cried even harder knowing that I wasn’t embarrassing them and that they weren’t even asking questions. 


I didn’t care if people stared. I didn’t care that my make up was a mess. I didn’t care about any of it because If I didn’t let it out I would of had to leave or have a panic attack or both. I knew that I had good friends by my side and made it all better. 

So cry more and apologize more. We need more of it. And uplift someone when they are having a hard time.   

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What is Self Growth? 

Have you ever faced self doubt and low self esteem head on? I mean you are only human so I am sure you have. I know I have.. I have faced it for years because I didn’t take care of myself. I doubted myself and everything around me. It is hard for many reasons to have self doubt.. 

So what is self growth? 

Since going through a divorce, I took control of my life and all that I needed to do. I needed to better myself. I did it for ME. No one else. It’s more than pedicures and massages.. In fact it’s beyond that. I made changes because I needed to find myself. We all need to think about ourselves more often; you aren’t being selfish by doing this. 

  1. I listen to a podcast every single morning. It helps me get motivated and focused for the day. We all need something! It literally gives me the reality check that I need, so that I can feel good about myself for the day.
  2. I love music. I have different songs for different moods. I like to listen to just about everything, so I don’t discriminate when it comes down to it.
  3. I read something daily. I have backed away from social media and only use it for work now. But I read something daily, whether its just quick news online, or a book from my nightstand.. I take the time to read something different for each day.
  4. I find inspiration quotes daily. I love scrolling through the internet while eating breakfast and finding quotes that I can relate to. It helps me get motivated and uplifted for the day.
  5. I text affirmations to friends daily. I have a group of people that we send positive vibes only to one another. It really truly helps, we know what we need to send to each other, so that can get excited for the day.
  6. I believe in God. I have started going to a great church. It has been great to be able to confine in him. I have been able to take care of myself and gain the confidence that I need in life.
  7. I do breathing exercises. Whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed I take deep breaths. I fill my head with positive thoughts and repeat this several times until I feel better.
  8. I exercise. I like to exercise to let out stress. I don’t do it to lose weight (although it is nice). If I don’t work out for one day I can feel my body being tense and my emotions all over the place.
  9. I use essential oils. Essential oils have helped me through some of the hardest times. I love smelling good, but there is something about them that makes me feel better mentally.
  10. Focus and making lists. Planning ahead. You need to make lists of things to get done each day so that way you can feel accomplished and not worry.

And of course I allow the me time that I need…. For pedicures and massages. But those happen once a month or so where as the other things are daily 


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Self-Care: Set Goals Every Day

It’s that time of year when people go crazy over setting goals and resolutions. You know: I want to lose weight, or I want to be a millionaire… whatever the heck it is. It is not feasible. The thing is that you should be setting goals every single day; it helps you be a better person and make you happy.

For the longest time, I wasn’t doing this… it caused me not to know what I was even doing with my life and have issues with my marriage, business, son, etc. Your goals every day can be something as simple as ‘doing yoga.’ I mean, all you really need is something simple.

Here are some ways to change yourself.

I recently listened to a podcast, and it said to do one new thing each day or one different thing per day. This advice caused me to realize we are habitual people. Meaning we like schedules and habits, but let’s just be realistic. If you take a different route each morning or do something different, something new could happen.

Here’s the thing, I never believed or cared about resolutions. How can you expect something to last a year long?? That seems nearly impossible. Think about how busy you are. You are going to skip parts. It is really tough to keep a goal. This reason is why I set goals daily.

I am sure that you have heard by now, that a new year calls for a word of the year as well. I do tend to pick a word for the year and have for 2019, but I also like to do affirmations every day. Look in the mirror and let yourself be powerful and positive; you are self-worthy.

How about we set a goal every day? That seems simple enough, right? I challenge you to start now.

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