Autism Truths – Getting an Independent Child

When I first found out my son was autistic, I felt like I sheltered him. Even like I found excuses for him not to do something. I doubted myself and my son. I kept coming up with excuses for why I couldn’t communicate with him. Once my son started to interact and listen, I felt like I could let go a little bit. Maybe my son could be independent. One day, I realized I want my kid to be independent. I had to make changes so he could.

As a kid with autism, I want my kid to be independent. It’s OK for him to be independent, it’s OK for him not to be as social as he needs to be. This justification is all called acceptance but really and truly it’s OK because I am independent. I am an introvert. I believe we don’t need to be social all the time, and I don’t think that we must be extroverts. My son is OK being the way that he is. I’m happy and proud that he can amuse himself and be independent. I don’t want my son to rely on anybody but himself. Each day, I have to let go a little bit more and more.

What do I mean by him being independent?

He now has chores and commands that I’ve given him. I ask him to take his coat off and hang it up or to take his backpack and put it away. Simple tasks requests from me, and he does them. I allow him to do gymnastics and soccer with very little help now. He can pick up his toys and put them away when asked. I ask him to wash his hands, and he can understand. We are working on doing more chores around the house such as putting his dishes away, putting his clothes away, and putting his food away.

I have loved watching him gain his independence.

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How Sign Language Has Helped Us

Since my son has been diagnosed with autism, it has been hard to get through to him. He is nonverbal and has been for most of his life. We have tried everything but end up getting frustrated. Since he joined ABA, we know now that sign language can work; we just have to keep working to learn and know how to use sign language.

That was our biggest problem, or mine rather. I couldn’t follow through because I wanted to give up. I wanted to just get him to talk and thought I could do so by skipping a step. But when I look back on it, I see that this was an important step. In fact, most babies sign before they reach toddler age. So in order to really move forward, we needed to use sign language for him to communicate.

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We tried it for a while, but it didn’t work. When he was in ABA he would pick up on things much better and easier there just because they knew what they were doing and could dedicate time. It’s hard when you are a mother and have a million things going on or just give into your child so you can get other tasks done. It is a constant toss up.

Once we really started to use signs, it made all of our lives so much easier. Whenever someone else watches him, we make sure they are using the signs. Before sign language, there was a lot of frustration and getting mad (from both of us). Now, we can really understand each other. I ask him if he wants more and he shows me the sign for more, please. I mean, that is incredible.

Autistic or not, there are so many great reasons to teach your child sign language and really help them to understand.

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The Autism Truths From a Parenting Perspective

People don’t understand what autism is and they think they can figure it out from Google. That is not the case. I don’t ever recommend looking things up on Google; I learned this the hard way. I tried to find the right tools and resources time after time but met dead ends.

I tried to ask people questions and they always responded “every child is different.” I got the answers that I didn’t want. They say that you know your child better than anyone else, and I was always like sure I do, but how do I help him progress in a normal way?  

I ask myself many questions…

 

  • Will my child be normal? This is the constant battle I go back and forth about daily. What really is normal? I can’t define it so why does it even matter? I define “normal” as not flapping his hands and stimming all the time. I define it as doing the activities and having the behavior that regular kids do… you know… everything. My kid is special and unique in his own way and there is nothing I can change.
  • Will he be in special ed?? Well, that is a question that I do not know the answer. I know that currently he is getting all the help that he can, but in the future it might still affect him. Only time will tell for this one.
  • Will he ever talk?? I am positive that he will, it is just a matter of time before he does. It is a never-ending crusade, but I have complete faith. Each day we make small strides that lead us in the right direction.
  • Will he ever calm the stimming down? Stimming is when he makes noises and flaps his hands. This behavior arises when he tries to adjust to stress, boredom, life, or whatever the case may be. It can be pretty constant. I am sure in time this will fade away as well. Once he can talk, I am confident that this reaction will decrease just because of the fact that he won’t be as stressed or frustrated.

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Being an autism parent is hard because I put a lot of the blame on myself. I know that it isn’t my fault, but as a parent we want the best for our kids and try to fix everything. When we can’t, we beat ourselves up and tend to find ways to escape.

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When Your Child With Autism Goes to School; Navigating the System and Building Your Team (Part 1: Preparing YOU for When Your Child Starts School)

I have had the privilege, and I mean privilege in the most sincere way possible, of working with several children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD or Autism in this post) as a special educator, a consultant and classroom teacher in my career.  I say privilege, because these children taught me so much , especially about behaviour and inclusion.

As a special educator, one of the things I learned early in my career is that sometimes, by the time they enter the school system, parents of kids with special needs have spent years fighting for what they need for their child.  They’ve been navigating a system that has not always been easy and accessible, and have not always been listened to or honoured for what they know about their own child’s needs.

Sometimes, when parents have come into the school system, they have come in “swinging”.  They have their hackles raised, ready to fight, even before the process has begun.  This is so sad, and can sometimes start things off on a difficult note.

I’m guessing that if you are reading this, you are already relating on some level.  From an educator’s point of view, I’d like to share a few ideas that will help you gain more power and influence in the school system and in the decisions that will be made regarding your child’s education.

Ok… before I go any further there are a few things I have to clear up.

  1. Please use and ask others to use respectful terminology when referring to your child.  Your child is a child with autism (ASD), not an ASD Child or an Autistic of an Autistic child.  Respectful language puts the child first and the challenge second.  We want our kiddos to be seen as kids, not “disabilities”, and this subtle use of wording can make a difference. I don’t consider this a “labeling” problem as sometimes labeling can be quite useful.  But the label should not define the child.  Politely, with a smile, ask people to use the appropriate wording.
  2. Not all systems are the same.  The policies, procedures and processes in each school district, and even within individual schools, can differ greatly! I don’t claim to know how all schools operate regarding programming for high needs kiddos.  But knowing that all schools can differ is a powerful understanding, and one that can work to your advantage as you begin your education system journey.
  3. You need to know off the start that I’m a huge advocate of inclusion.  This is not the same as “integration”. (This is material for another article)  Inclusion goes further than integration.  Inclusion isn’t a “place” the child is in, it is more of a philosophy for making decisions in a way that does not exclude the child from experiences and opportunities.  And for me the biggest of these is social experiences and opportunities.  AND you need to know right from the get-go that not all educators and certainly not all systems agree with inclusion, or implement it in the same ways, or even fully understand it. So you may have to take a gentle lead if this is what you want.

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FACEBOOK Empowered Parent Plan~ Twitter @MpoweredparNT~ Instagram mpoweredparent ~ Pinterest Roberta Luchinski

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BIO- Roberta Luchinski is the Owner/Facilitator of Empowered Parent Plan.  She helps busy parents prevent, respond to and change their kiddo’s difficult behaviours.  Roberta uses positive parenting strategies and brain based methods tried and true from her experience as a Mom, Grandma and 30 years of Educator experience. Roberta holds an MEd in Educational Psychology and has worked with diverse students as a Classroom Teacher, a Diversity Teacher, a Special Educator and a Consultant.

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My kid isn’t Attached To Me; It’s The Other Way Around

The problem is that with an autism toddler, I can’t let him do what he wants because he doesn’t understand. I don’t expect people to feel bad for us or treat us any differently. But I know it appears that my son is attached to me because I am watching his every move.

When he goes to play with others I have to watch him and make sure that he is understanding things. I have to make sure that he isn’t throwing a tantrum or isn’t making other children mad. See we don’t communicate well. If there are stairs, I have to make sure he doesn’t try to go down them without me. It is a constant battle to try to get him to understand.

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When he starts to get nervous or scared, he will take my hand and point or walk me towards whatever it is that is making him feel uncomfortable.
I imagine this is all part of parenting, but I don’t know any different. Autism or not we all have to watch our kid and be a parent. But I feel like I’m doing it while other people are looking and judging.

The other day we went to a kids gathering event. I know the people there, but it still makes me nervous. I want to make sure that my child is behaving well. Sometimes, he goes up to others and takes toys or food away from them. People will say hi, and instead of responding, he will ignore and run away. They probably think my child is rude or mean, but that isn’t even the case. I like to tell people why he does these things to help them become aware of this; especially if they are kids.

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View some of our favorite items for autistic kids.

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Break through for an Autism child

It seems that everyday we learn or do something new with Antonio’s autism. He is constantly changing. Kids go through changes autistic or not. The question is why and how to deal with them. Sometimes I wonder where he even comes up with these things that he does. However, it makes me happy when there is a new habit he starts because I know that we are making small steps .

I often wonder even is autism? I still haven’t found the answer to this. I’m not sure I ever will either, all I know is my kid is “different”.” But he is the happiest of them all, so it makes my job slightly easier. He lights up the room and enjoys life. The doctor gives fancy definitions but since every single kid is different there isn’t no real reason why or what.

I noticed that music and tv makes Antonio the happiest! This is considered “self-stimulating.” This is basically what makes him happy. It is when there is a repetition of movements, sounds or objects. This is a great characteristic of autism. But when he is watching tv he seems calmer.

What I love is that lately he has found his own way to communicate.. He will go up to someone’s hand or shirt and pull on it. This is his way of getting someone to walk over to what he wants whether it’s food or a toy, etc. This makes my heart melt just a little inside and I LOVE IT!

I try to take him out and expose him to as much I can. When we are in stores and I let him walk he will often times stop and sit on the floor. It could be embarrassing for me not him, but in this scenario I pick him up and take him towards something of interest and say, get up walk, with a great patient voice.

I told myself when I found out that he was autistic I was given this because God believed I could do this, he wanted to give me a challenge; he knew I am strong and could handle it! So with that being said I make sure to try to be patient and strong with him, and even others.

So when you are our and about and there’s a different kid.. or even a mother rushing.. or a mother trying to gather her kids. Tell her she is doing a great job she will appreciate more than you know. If you a mother you understand the struggles.

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A Step by Step Guide for Grocery Shopping With an Autism Kid.

Whether you are just a mom, or a mom of an autism kid, you know that everything matters. They are like sponges and take in everything. You know that the little things do matter and before your little one turned into a toddler you documented everything. Now is not different.

Autism kids remember things and learn differently, and no kid is the same no matter who who they are. It is important to keep track of your kids progress, skills, and traits. I never realized things until my son was diagnosed with autism. Now when I meet with other people they ask questions “how did you know he was autistic”. I wish I kept track of my thoughts, feelings, and progress. I wish I kept track of his speech notes daily so that I could look back and be more organized as a mother. Let’s face it, we all wish for these things but time gets the best of us.

So here are a few quick things that I have been doing with Antonio and keeping track of. I like to get out of the house with Antonio as much as possible so it doesnt seem like a long day. In the store I let Antonio pick things off the shelf. If he isnt in the cart, I still let him pick things up and re arrange their shelfs. They might get mad at us, but we are learning. During this process I talk to him about what it is, the colors, everything. I pretty much document everything verbal. Part of being autistic is letting him take in everything.

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  • I let him put the stuff we are buying in the cart. This is a huge favorite of his. He sees me putting them in the shopping cart, so he wants to too! So whenever I get something I give it to him and tell him “put in” we know put in from speech very well so this is a must. He really likes this part and sometimes even tries to eat when he knows it something that he likes.
  • During all of this, I try to go to the store when there isnt much people around so that we don’t feel rushed, or embarrassed. Lets face it, we all have had the one person who takes up the whole aisle and is annoying.
  • I let him touch the screen at check out. I know this isnt ideal but he sees and hears the beeps going then sees me paying for it with my card, so he wants to help. I allow him to help out in any way that he can. Even if I just narrate a few things for him. I have to make sure he doesnt sneak anything else in the shopping cart this tim too!
  • Lastly, I let him have free range wherever we go and when I need to stop him I do. Sometimes he needs to play and explore all on his own. Other times we need narration and discipline I make sure to allow for both times so that he can process and take it all in.

Of course we sanitize when we get home but these things do very much better when you have an autimn kid they take every little thing in.

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View some of our favorite items for autistic kids.

  1. elmo tub 
  2. elmo letters
  3. cookie drop roll 
  4. potty songs 

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The Terrible Twos and Autism

Lately, I have been wondering what is going on with my son, and not really in a negative way. He has autism, and we have known that for quite some time. But now he’s also two, so which is the reason for his current behavior?

I frequently over analyze and over think, so when something happens, I begin to wonder why. That’s the nature of the game.

The other day I was feeding Antonio, and one of our rules is that in order for him to eat he either has to sign more or say more. So since he wasn’t doing either, I gave in and gave him carrots. He threw the bowl. Then I came them back and found he had fed it to the dogs. What he wanted was his chicken. He wouldn’t eat his other food until he ate his chicken first.

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The kid LOVES his meat. It never used to be like this, but now he has to do things HIS WAY or no way. He is incredibly stubborn, and I have no idea where this comes from!

So I begin to think… Is this part of the autism or have we entered the terrible twos? Does it even matter? Probably not. I thought this was pretty humorous and didn’t care much at the end of the day. But I try to hide the fact that he has autism sometimes. This word is still new to me.

I don’t always know what is defined as autism and what isn’t. I just know that my kid is not a “normal” two-year-old and it’s going to take a little bit longer before he catches up. So I take a deep breath and just shrug it off.

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View some of our favorite items for autistic kids.

  1. elmo tub 
  2. elmo letters
  3. cookie drop roll 
  4. potty songs 

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The top 10 Resources for Autism Children

When my son was diagnosed with autism I couldn’t find much information or tools to help us. I am always constantly learning and finding new ideas. I am glad to share it with others who are in similar situations. Here are some great resources for you and your family to enjoy!

 

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Autism Progress Weekly

Each week, I like to share information about Antonio and his autism. This week I want to sort of take a step back and tell you about some of Antonio’s weekly accomplishments! Autism diagnosis not with standing, it’s always important to notice the small baby steps and victories you see each day.

  • Antonio points now. This is a constant pointing he thinks it’s cool. I can see him smiling when he is pointing, feeling a sense of self-fulfillment. He points for small thing like a drink or toy and expects them when he does it. This is a good thing, a skill we have worked on for many weeks. My kid can be stubborn sometimes but this really showed a breakthrough!
  • He likes to take someone’s hand and walk with them to what he wants. There was a balloon on the table that he wanted, so he took his daddy’s hand brought him to the table and pointed. It’s tough that he still isn’t talking, but the fact that he has found other ways to communicate is incredible. As he is doing these things I make sure to talk and give him words of encouragement so that it sticks with him.
  • He loves playing hide and seek. Not that he didn’t before but he is totally loving opening a door and closing it then making us ask “Where’s Antonio?” and when we find him he giggles so hard. And then he quickly runs to the next door. It is the cutest thing ever and this is a new development.
  • We are slowing breaking bad habits. One of the habits we are trying to break is biting on his sippy cup. He used to chew through so many nipples and refused to use other cups. It’s been frustrating, because even if we watch him closely and remind him to stop chewing on it, he still ended up damaging it. We have encouraged him “put down” the sippy cup when he is done using it.
  • Playing with balls. He has loved balls for a little while now. But he loves to throw it and watch it bounce. This is one of the greatest things ever, for him. He will be amused with this for quite a lengthy period of time. We are currently working on helping him roll the ball, to show there are other ways to use a ball.
  • His eye contact has gotten better. He doesn’t look when we call him yet, but he definitely looks at us when we play together and I am in his face.
  • He sits for longer periods. When he is playing with a toy he likes, it can hold his attention for five minutes. I know it may not seem like a long time, but five minutes is a huge improvement. We want to make sure that we are continuing to reward him when he accomplishes new things, reinforce good habits and continue striving for more improvement.

A few of our upcoming goals include using verbal commands without the gestures he has been used to and getting him to use another sip cup, one that doesn’t have a nipple.
He is super smart and knows what he can get away with. It’s been quite fun and entertaining to see him change each day!

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