Lately, it seems like we are having a hard time reconnecting and talking as husband and wife. It bothers me because it never used to be like this. Whenever we do talk, we talk about Antonio or work. I want to talk about those things but other things, too. I mean, it’s life, it’s what we talk about, of course. I sit trying to find topics to talk about and prepare for conversations beforehand so that I can help create something exciting and fun.

I think that the hardest part of communication is time. We have to truly dedicate ourselves to talking and not be distracted to be effective and not forgetful.

1. Put the Phone Away: The work can wait, period. No matter who is calling, they can hold. I know this is hard for both of us, but we must do it. One easy text or phone call can cause you to forget and ignore your spouse, and it could be something important to them.
2. Keep Notes: You can take notes during the conversation but what’s more important is to keep records throughout the day so you can refer back to them later. If you are anything like me, you have something to tell your husband, but then when you go to relay to him, you forget because, well, kids. Right? Make that list of things to talk about before you forget.
3. Involve Kids: There are separate times and places for a conversation for a husband and wife, and for family talk. Allow time for both so that each person in the family can feel important and let everyone know what’s going on.
4. Schedule Time: Habits make things easier. A lot of times my husband calls me on his way home. He drives an hour plus home. During this time we talk so I have to remember things mentioned and take care of the kid at the same time. This schedule kind of works, but we need something a little more substantial, so we can focus and not be forgetful.
5. Really Listen: We can hear, but are we really listening? Repeat back what you are talking about, so that you both know what the conversation encompassed. I don’t know how many times I have “listened,” then forgot about it hours later and felt like it was a blank memory. When you repeat words back (or even write them down), you can genuinely implement and have a conversation.

But beyond all this, what to talk about? Talk about hobbies, friendship, news, politics, work, kids, schedules, meals, goals, or money. All of these topics are a great way to spark a new conversation.

 

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