I have been thinking about the two of these options for quite some time. When I went through a divorce, my parents told me that this feels like death has happened in the family. I couldn’t help but let that sink in and sit. It stuck with me for a while.
I didn’t think of divorce like death until they made that remark. I wonder why it felt that way. It’s like we all went through the same stages together; you know, denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Once we realized that it was happening, we all felt like it was a death.
While parting ways might not be a real death, losing the person you love from the family as a whole is rough. We didn’t have a wake or funeral, but we know that nothing will be the same. We had to let go of all the good times we shared knowing that those people won’t be together anymore. It’s like you just released. So many people are affected by the process of divorce including parents, siblings, grandparents, children, etc. It can be so hard to add that to the list of worries when separating. It’s important not to take sides or try to make someone else look better or worse. It is what is, as my dad said.
No matter how mad my family was at my ex, they still know he’s the father to my son. They know there are two sides to the story; they understand it takes two. They are aware that we both said and did a lot of wrongs, but I would much rather have a divorce than death for my son’s sake if that makes sense. So, we have to handle the cards that are dealt to us and go through all the stages of life and grief.
Being civil is a must now. You miss out on all the things that you had planned for the future together. The holidays won’t be the same. You won’t get to celebrate together but separate instead. How does that even look and feel? I don’t understand how that is going to be.
It does feel like a death happened. The heartbreak is horrible. And yet, they are still there. Enjoy the new life and don’t dwell on what could have been because life is too short. Be thankful for the divorce and make it amicable for everyone around you.
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