9 Ways A Divorce Made Me Better

I used to think that getting a divorce was so horrible and that I would never go through it. The truth is so many people have gone through it and it is ‘normal.’ Even though I completely disagree with it, but I guess people change. 

What I have learned since being on my own and going through a divorce has been an amazing feeling. You feel like you have hit the wall somedays but other days you feel on top of the world. Here a few ways divorce made me a better person:

  1. independence: say goodbye to those days when you need a handy man. There were times when I wish I had one… My toilet was clogged one day and it literally was stuck. My lawn mower didn’t start. You name it, I went through it. Sometimes I asked for help, other times I prayed, and other times I youtube. Through it all I realized nothing is ever as bad as it seems, and to take deep breaths, because it all will pass. 
  2. new friendships: I was ashamed at first to tell people about my divorce. Actually people started to open and become my friends. They all had stories of something similar to them or their family. I made a ton of new friends and realized that I could rely on them for venting, hanging out, etc. It is a great feeling. 
  3. better finances:  I am still working on this, however… I know that I am doing much better than when we were together. I am able to not have to worry about every single little transaction that has been made. I used to hate when my ex would go to the gas station, or stores, literally ten times a day. Little things add up. I am able to really budget and be frugal the way I want to. 

  4. reconnections: Again, I was ashamed or embarrassed at first, so I didn’t share with a lot of people. As time went on I knew that I was fine, and I opened up. I connected with a lot of old friends. These friends were people that I haven’t talked to in years, but still did care. Being out of state with my hometown friends was always hard but now I talk a lot more to some of them that matter. 
  5. self love:  For far too long, I let people bring me down or I would second guess myself. I learned that I am worthy and that I really love my personality and self. I learned that I like my body and that is that. If anyone wants to tell me different, then I just close them out, I don’t allow that negativity to enter my world. 
  6. time management: since being a single mom I need to be extra careful about time. Every single minute, hour, and second, matters. If I am in the car waiting, I try to get whatever needs to be done, done. I learned that grocery pick up is amazing and so is the drive through pharmacy. There are so many great things I have done for time management. 
  7. confidence: when I started to see that I don’t need any man in my life, I realized I was worthy and can do all things. It might sound rough to say that, but it is the truth. I stopped second guessing myself and I stopped questioning things. I realized that all along I have been diligent, smart, and worthy. I will not ever let anyone treat me the way I have been treated in the past. 
  8. motherhood: With all the above,  and more, I was able to take care of my son and devoted much more time and love to him. I focused on making sure that I could be the best possible mother for my son. Regardless of what his dad does or says, I know that I can control how I raise my son.
  9. freedom: There is a lot to this. I don’t mean I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Rather I can be free, that I don’t have to feel guilty if I am late from work, or if I am working, or if I am not cooking or cleaning for one day. As a wife and mother I felt like I was in the constant stress and battle with all of that, and now I don’t have to worry about any of that; I go at my own pace. 

So if you are going through a divorce, or already have, know that you are not alone. There are tons of people who have gone through it, and it can make you better if you let it. I stopped over thinking about the good times, the bad times and what could of been and focused on myself. This helped me become a better person, and happier. If you aren’t happy with yourself no one else can EVER make you happy. Truth bomb. 

So when is the next time you are going to go on a ‘mom vacation?’ —> Join me over in my private little clubhouse for FREE RIGHT NOW, before we no longer accept new members!!     

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Top Four Things to Do for Self-Care As an Entrepreneur

Self-care is the topic of a lot of conversation these days. People seem to drain themselves because everyone is on overdrive. I know I am one of those people; I am always on overdrive. Being a single mother and entrepreneur means there are still a million things to do. At the end of the day, we need to take care of ourselves to be successful and get the most out of the time.

Self-care gives you the time to clear your mind so that you can step back, reflect, and reorganize. This action is how I get my creativity and focus back. It does not have to be anything extravagant or even take a lot of time, but a few little steps can help you for sure.

Here are the top four things I do for self-care:


  1. TAKE A MIDDAY OR EVENING WALK.: I sit at the computer desk a lot; I sit a lot, period. I need to get my blood flowing, so taking a midday walk can really be helpful. Get the kids, the dog, whatever, and put your phone away and just go for a walk. Take a deep breath and enjoy the scenery around you. It has been so great for my son and me to enjoy this activity.
  2. PREP HEALTHY MEALS: Self-care isn’t always meditating, working out, or getting massages. Sometimes it’s as easy as setting up small ways to care for yourself. As a mother, I am always on the go. If we plan with our meals, we will actually eat and not let ourselves get hangry. Am I right, though? Like really, I know that when I don’t meal prep, I wonder what to eat. Then, I end up going out to get food and overeat because, by that time, I am starving!
  3. UNPLUG FOR 30 MINUTES: I know, I know. I get it. Literally, I have to unwind. This tip means 30 minutes by MYSELF. This time is nothing to do with my son, dogs, housework, etc. The phone and computer get put away. You can truly let your thoughts wander and have some time clearing your mind. You do not need to meditate per se but it is essential to do this step.
  4. BOOK YOURSELF A MASSAGE OR FACIAL: This act of self-care is the super dreamy one that everyone loves. It doesn’t need to happen as much as the other steps. I have learned how to do a facial at home, and it just makes so much of a difference. I can get a new feeling and cool off my face.

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To be the best mom and business owner you can be, you must unplug and recharge. I honestly have time blocked off in my calendar so that I take care of these items and myself. It is okay to block this time off AND COMMIT TO IT. What does self-care look like for you?

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What NOT to Say to Someone Going Through a Divorce

Going through a divorce is tough. It doesn’t get easier for a long, long, long time. Here’s the thing I couldn’t tell many people about what I was going through at first because I was embarrassed and didn’t want people to feel bad for me. At first, I felt bad for myself and my family, etc. Yes, family, because once you are with someone for so long, they become that family too.

But, once circumstances started to move forward into motion, I realized that it is not as bad as it seems. I will be fine. I will work through and be happy somehow. Changes had to be made to move forward; it just took time.

Here are some things that I HATED people saying to me.


  •  The grass is greener – like what? That’s great; it’s going to be fine, I get that. But right now, I can’t even see straight. I feel sick to my stomach and can’t even sleep. My heart is broken and torn into a million pieces. So, while it may be greener, it will take time to heal.
  • There are other fish in the sea – UHH okay. Yes, there are, but now I have to find someone AGAIN, and I am already in my 30’s. I have to let him know what I like physically, emotionally, sexually, etc. Who has time for all that when you were with your ex for so long?
  •  I’m so sorry – My response is always, “me too.” Do you think I am not sorry and don’t feel bad? Don’t you think that I wish things could have been different? Are you going to help me get through this? Or do you just feel sorry?
  •  You are better off without him/her – How? That person was there for me during everything for however long. Right now, I have no one. How can I pick up all of those pieces? This statement goes back to the ‘grass is greener;’ it will get better in time. But that person was a part of my life for soooo long that I still can’t see myself without him/her.
  • Protect yourself – Get a lawyer and take everything from the person. What? He is still the father of my son, a person, and has worked hard. We were a partnership, and we deserve equal shares.
  • You will be fine – Yes, I will be fine, but when? Right now I am not, and my family is not. So, thanks for letting me know.
  • It’s his loss – Is it, truly? I think it’s both of our losses. We both have lost each other and everything we have worked for during that time.
  • 50% of marriages end anyway – This one is REALLY foolish to me. It bothers me. Yeah, but I never thought it would be me. People never think it’s going to happen to them. Yeah, I get that, but really? That doesn’t make it okay or make me feel any better.

Instead of saying those phrases, try using these.

  • You are strong
  • You are confident
  • Time will heal
  • Take care of you
  • Bible verses have helped a lot.
  • Offer solutions or help
  • I am proud of you


For anyone going through a divorce, it sucks. Even if you have gone through one, don’t say the pieces above; it doesn’t help. Find ways to uplift the person and make them laugh. The last thing we want to do is cry more or think about someone else. We need friends, support, and to feel like we can be independent and get through life. When I started going through a divorce, I had one friend send me bible verses or inspirational quotes every day. If any of my friends or family sent me any negative things or screenshots of what was happening in his life, I would ask them to stop. You need to get over it and let go because the sooner you do, the sooner life works out.

So, the next time you want to make any of these remarks to someone who is going through a divorce, be positive and uplift them instead. Let them know you care and will be there for them!

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How to Regain Confidence After a Divorce

The time after a divorce is by far the hardest, ever. I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this. One day I am in denial and the next, acceptance. It is going through a ton of emotions. I feel happy and confident one day, then the next day, I experience the lowest self-esteem.

I feel like I am not good enough and haven’t ever been good enough. Internally, I am still struggling with a lot that needs to be taken care of, but I know that I am an okay person, and so is my ex. We merely didn’t get along and had different goals.

The building or regaining of your confidence after a divorce is no different than building and regaining your confidence after any major life event. Start taking the necessary steps to pick up the pieces of your life and begin to rebuild it and move forward. You are in charge, and you need to understand that first and foremost.


There are six general stages of recovering after a divorce. You will go through them all. It is the same process as when you lose someone to death, but I personally think this is much harder. We have to cope and overcome; forgive yourself and the other person. YES, the other person. I highly recommend going to counseling or therapy for your own sake. It will help you as a person.

After the general stages, you come to the steps for recovery. This process is where you begin to build your confidence, slowly. Each person is different, and there will be some different thoughts on how to regain that confidence.

  1. The Mind: Your mind has to overcome a lot of obstacles. For months, I overthought everything day in and day out. How did I let the thoughts go? A few ways. I started to go to church weekly so that I could regain my faith. This action helped me a TON. I, of course, still went to see my therapist. This step always helps me because I can talk about whatever and get experience and thoughts about how to move forward.
  2. Let it Go: You literally have to let go of everything in the past. You didn’t do anything wrong, it is what it is, and you need to let it go. There will come a time when you are ready to let it go; it took me about four months before I was really able to do so. It happened when I realized there was nothing I could do, and needed to focus on my future instead of the past and my ex.
  3. Refocus: You need to put your focus on something besides your divorce ending. I put my focus on myself and my son. By doing this, I was able to focus on my business and the growth of my son. I realized that this was more important than anything and my son needed mommy to focus.
  4. Reinvent Yourself: Now is the time to find yourself again. If you always had doubts, goals, or dreams, now is the time to capitalize on those. I knew that I wanted my business now more than ever. I was not going to stop at all. I realized that I needed to get things done on my own and figure out what I liked and didn’t like. It was a time for me to reconnect with old friends and have fun.

Know that things happen; we cannot live our lives unhappily. I still do not understand how this can happen to this day, but I look forward now and let it be. I let go of all of those thoughts and realized I could only change and work on myself and not someone else. Have you ever gone through a divorce? Did you overcome it?

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I Was Too Busy for My Husband; My Marriage Crashed

There comes a time in life when things change and don’t go as planned and when life takes a turn for the worst. That time for me was a divorce. I look back and try to see what I could have fixed and done differently, but there wasn’t much. I have a new perspective now.

My son came first, and my marriage crashed. Read that again. Yes, I put my son first, and my marriage collapsed. I knew my husband needed me, but I didn’t know what he needed. I felt like I had to take care of my son and let my husband go through whatever he needed to in the meantime. When I had a mental break down, I needed my time and couldn’t relate at all to my husband.


There were many issues that I see now. It takes two, and I do not blame myself for all of it, but I do know that I worked so hard to focus on myself, business, and son. I didn’t know what to do when my ex went through a bad state of mind. I offered support and help, but I honestly didn’t know what to do nor how to accept and understand things. Our lives are so crazy as wives, parents, etc. We know that everything else always comes first, and it’s tough. I never gave him the attention he needed. I worked hard day and night because I needed to.

Other factors caused our marriage to fall apart as well. I do not need to get all into it, but the truth is, I literally felt like I had to hold my family together, so he could come out on top and get over whatever funk he was going through. I could have done things differently. I was tired and focused on what I needed to do. But truth be told, things happen for a reason. I am not sure why it played out the way that it did, but it did. I might not ever understand it, but we get through whatever life throws at us, right?

Some professionals could have helped him. I know I was his wife, but I couldn’t understand what he was dealing with or how to fix anything OR even realized how bad he was until it was too late. I let him down, and I own that. However, I didn’t let myself or my son down, and sometimes things work out for a reason we don’t know yet. It takes two, and communication is key. I didn’t catch a lot of things when he was in his negative state of mind. We could have communicated better and tried to get help sooner, but there is an explanation for why it happened this way. I can’t go back; I can only look forward.

When I went through a mental breakdown, I didn’t know what I was feeling or doing. I shut my ex-husband out at that point because I was scared and embarrassed. After seeking help, I came out fine; I thought the same could happen to him. I guess males are different than females. When I got help, I felt happier and more like myself. I felt like I was able to live again. To this day, I still see a counselor because it allows me to gather my thoughts and work on myself. After all, if we aren’t content with ourselves, can we be happy with anyone else?

 

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I Will Never Understand Divorce

Like, why?

You can always fix something yourself but not if the other person isn’t willing. I don’t know. I’d rather fight for something than give up. Some might not agree. I genuinely believe that you can fight and work through just about anything. Yes, even an affair. But BOTH people need to be willing to forgive, accept, and be there for each other. Both people need to fight. That is it. When the other isn’t willing, it’s not worth it, and the damage is done.

It might be so hard, but trust me. If two people do not want to agree on making changes to move forward, this is when a divorce may happen. It takes a 50/50 effort. You both have to fight and make changes. You both have to take the blame and fight like HELL.

Things change; people change, or we merely realize what’s important. OR maybe our priorities shift. I still think I have a lot of the same characteristics now that I had when my ex married me all those years ago… But now, I have more focused goals such as my career and my son.


Did I neglect my husband at the time? Maybe. But it was difficult. I couldn’t find the balance. I don’t know if finding the balance would make it any better or worse, but we live in the moment and take it for what it’s worth.

I used to think I failed at my marriage, but I do not anymore. You have to forgive yourself. There comes a time when you realize you have tried everything. You recognize that the other person has already moved on and it isn’t worth fighting for anymore. When you forgive yourself, you know that you have not failed and you have been successful at trying. You have to accept that it is okay to let go. Letting go is going to feel like you just had a death in the family. Know that you are strong and can endure.

So yes, I wanted another kid. Yes, I wanted my marriage to work. Yes, I wanted my business to blossom. Yes, I wanted all these things. Yes, I wanted to grow old with my ex. But things change. I never saw it ending like this, never. However, sometimes life happens and we have to be thankful for the steps we took to get there. There is no one to blame; it was 50/50. But I do know that I am moving forward in a positive direction confidently and learning from my past. I do not regret any of this, yet I don’t understand how things could still be this way.

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How Exercising Every Day Changed My Life

I have never been super active, besides dancing. I have always loved dance. My brothers were runners, etc. but not me. I enjoyed the flexibility and creativity. When I had my son over three years ago, I gained 55 lbs. I overate and wanted to make sure he was taken care of above all else.

After the pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight, but not enough to feel good about myself. I was too tired and too lazy to care about my well being. I didn’t think I needed to lose weight until I’d look in the mirror. Once my son started to get older, I wanted to drop the pounds even more, but instead, I found out that I was stressed and would keep eating. And I would eat whole candy bars… in one sitting.

It was sad and embarrassing. I could do that every day. Pre-pregnancy I wouldn’t ever gain a pound, and it wouldn’t matter. Once you go through pregnancy everything changes. I still to this day try to lose weight. It has been so hard and if I don’t see immediate results, is it even worth it? Even when I would see the tiniest results, I would get excited. I started to realize that the weight wasn’t the problem, though.


The thing is…  exercise is more about self-care than dropping pounds or getting toned. It’s true. Those are good perks, but it shouldn’t be the sole reason to do it. I started to feel really good about myself, take a ton of selfies, and feel sexier. I began to feel like I could take on the world! But beyond that, there are so many other factors.

Here are a few reasons why I genuinely enjoy exercising now.

  • Breathing techniques: I can breathe whenever I get stressed because I have the right breathing techniques whenever I am working out. Breathing helps release those emotions and stress that we all need to get rid of from time to time.
  • Flexibility: let’s say that when you don’t work out, you get tired more quickly. It seems as though you can take the stairs instead of the elevator and not feel exhausted so fast. You can sense that your legs can handle a lot more.
  • Stress relief: This is the number one element that most people work out for and it truly works, something about finishing a workout makes you feel so good. You realize that you are powerful and can let go of the issues at hand. You forget about the problems and recognize that you are feeling much better.
  • Routine: my family and I are all about routines. We love being on schedules. I work out at the same time, and it helps the time pass by. It allows me to get tasks done and plan around it.
  • Diet: you realize when you work out you don’t eat as much because you’re getting more toned or smaller, whatever it might be. You put down that doughnut instead of trying to say “just this one.” Why? Because you know you worked hard for your health and fitness goals.

I work out right at home, putting together my own fitness goals and tasks. I switch up exercises daily and keep myself going. It doesn’t matter what you do or how you do it; just do it. Get going and burn those calories.

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Reasons Why I’ll Never Get Married Again

After going through a divorce recently, I decided that I am not ever going to get married again. My dad told me not to say never, but I know in my mind and heart that I won’t remarry. Why? It isn’t worth it to me. I might date, fall in love, or move in with someone but the responsibilities of being married are too high.

When I was younger, I had the perfect picture of how marriage and life had to be laid out. You know, the union forever and ever, then having kids, maintaining a good job, next retirement, and being with that person my whole life. Maybe it is because my parents had that marriage success. Perhaps it doesn’t seem real anymore these days; maybe it’s make-believe. I do not know. Either way, when that dream gets crushed, why do it again?

All I know is that I won’t go through with marriage again. Here’s why.


  • Wedding – waste of money: having a wedding is WAY too expensive. I won’t ever have one, even with the justice of the court. We made a lot of money off of our wedding also, and where did it go? Who knows? Money is tough.
  • Divorce – waste of money: Then, when you decide your marriage isn’t going to work, it costs MORE money. You have to file and pay a lawyer and pay, pay, pay. It’s horrible. So, all that money you saved no longer matters. Besides, when you have to split assets between you and your ex, you both worked hard, and now, both just got screwed in many ways.
  • Emotional: the emotional element is one of the hardest, and I will not remarry for this reason. We get too attached, or I do. I relied on my ex WAY too much because that’s how it works, right? WRONG. Do not ever rely on anyone else but yourself. It is okay to ask for help, but never have someone do something that you can do.
  • Too much responsibility: There is too much involved with another marriage. You have to take care of that person, spend time with them, etc. When you go from married to divorce to single, you realize you can do so much and can rely on yourself.
  • Don’t want to change my name: Ain’t nobody got time to change names to new titles. It’s too much financially and physically, not even worth it.
  • I want all responsibility: I want to be independent and take care of everything myself. Being a single mom, I have done it all now. I don’t want to be codependent on someone again.
  • Financial: This should be one of the first reasons. Even if I got a prenup, you still could lose a lot of money from everything that happens during a marriage. I do not ever want to go through a divorce again and throw away so much money; from retirement to savings to paychecks to the rest.
  • Getting rid of photos: UM hello, empty walls. I am just going to fill the walls with my son and fun, dreamy decorations since that seems to be the best option.
  • Hurts everyone around me: You will lose family through a divorce, and even friends. People are understanding, but they feel the hurt and pain with you if you decide to get remarried, etc. It is just too complicated to try to determine who you are going to keep as friends or family through each step.

Why do we need to have that perfect picture marriage and life? Why does everyone feel hurt and the constant battle to fit that mold? I know I did, but why? What’s the big deal? Who cares if we have kids before marriage or never get married. Who cares? Let’s live life and stop over-thinking it all. People will change and hurt you… maybe intentionally or maybe unintentionally. There isn’t anything wrong with the decisions that you make. Screw up a little and let life throw a curveball at you – it’s fun!

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Social Media Can Ruin Your Life

Growing up we always had some sort of social media – AOL messenger, MySpace, Facebook, now we have a million different forms. Right?  The problem is that people don’t see why social media ruins certain aspects and how it should be used. Social media is a way to connect with friends and people. It seems that businesses run their brands on there and do well.

But when you are on it personally for yourself, yikes. It gets rough. How many freakin’ platforms do you need to be on actively? How many selfies do you need to take? How many times do you have to post the same picture to all the platforms? Why do we feel the need to do all that? It’s annoying. What else is annoying is all the freaking filters that come with it. The never-ending selfies and filters are NOT cute and makes you look ridiculous. I merely am being honest here.

Don’t forget to add in the messenger. You have to respond to people and then like what they say to you and respond to direct messages. What in the world have we become? But then when the moment comes where you need to have an in-person communication, people would rather text the information. WHAT? I am not good with speaking words but can write my words like a boss. So, I get it. But I would write something out, then read it to someone before I can text it.  

I like how phones let you know how much time you spend on social media now; it’s interesting to see how much time you waste on bits that actually do matter. AS a business owner, I have to keep up on all these platforms. But there comes a time when we have to let it go and get off our phones/computers. Business or personal, whatever it is. It needs to stop.

So how does social media truly ruin your life?

  1. Work: There is nothing worse than working in a corporate job and letting them see what you post. One post can end your career. Trust me, I have seen many people have this happen. You have to be careful with what you post and say. Even if your profile is personal, it still needs to be professional. You are not a teenager, don’t post that you are getting wasted. Don’t post that you hate your job. Don’t post that you hate your marriage. It affects your future, career, and personal life. 
  2. Marriage: This one is near and dear to me. People used to be worried about texting or phone calls. Now, there is Snapchat and Instagram where information can be deleted and hidden from your significant other. It can literally cost your marriage and life. Eventually, the truth will come out, and it will be what it is.
  3. Can we just use social media for posting uplifting posts? Can we use it to engage with our favorite businesses and friends? Go ahead and post selfies, but we don’t need your whole newsfeed to be saturated by it. Share with the world something positive and a story with that selfie so someone can relate to it.

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Texting is HORRIBLE we should all stop doing it.

I hate texting. Texting is dangerous. As we get older we start to realize that texting is horrible and should be taken away from us. Have you ever sent a text and got it interpreted the wrong way? Have you ever sent a mean text and wish you hadn’t? Have you ever sent a drunk text? We should stop doing all these things. Its harder as adults for a few reasons.. 

Why texting is bad 

  • We cant read the attitude or sarcasm: Think about the time when you have gotten a text and read it all the wrong way. Think about the time you got a text and didn’t even understand it and instead you sent a text back that was WAYY out of line. This happens so many times to people. We just want to respond, but often times respond with the wrong words.
  • We cant go back on our word: Once we say it in a text, we can’t delete it. We can’t delete words in real life either. We need to stop and think before we respond verbally, emotionally, or through text. It is tough. We are human and have emotions, so make sure to think before acting always. Words can hurt sometimes more than actual physical abuse.
  • Screenshots or saved chats: If you are going through something, or might be in the near future, then texting can be a bad thing. People will screenshot so that they can keep it and hold it against you. This is one of the worst things about texting. Even if they have no reason to save it, they might for a rainy day. Truth.

There are a ton of reasons why texting is bad. The next time you go to send a text think about it before it happens. You can’t go back in texts so make sure that you are saying what you mean.         

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