I Will Never Understand Divorce

Like, why?

You can always fix something yourself but not if the other person isn’t willing. I don’t know. I’d rather fight for something than give up. Some might not agree. I genuinely believe that you can fight and work through just about anything. Yes, even an affair. But BOTH people need to be willing to forgive, accept, and be there for each other. Both people need to fight. That is it. When the other isn’t willing, it’s not worth it, and the damage is done.

It might be so hard, but trust me. If two people do not want to agree on making changes to move forward, this is when a divorce may happen. It takes a 50/50 effort. You both have to fight and make changes. You both have to take the blame and fight like HELL.

Things change; people change, or we merely realize what’s important. OR maybe our priorities shift. I still think I have a lot of the same characteristics now that I had when my ex married me all those years ago… But now, I have more focused goals such as my career and my son.

Did I neglect my husband at the time? Maybe. But it was difficult. I couldn’t find the balance. I don’t know if finding the balance would make it any better or worse, but we live in the moment and take it for what it’s worth.

I used to think I failed at my marriage, but I do not anymore. You have to forgive yourself. There comes a time when you realize you have tried everything. You recognize that the other person has already moved on and it isn’t worth fighting for anymore. When you forgive yourself, you know that you have not failed and you have been successful at trying. You have to accept that it is okay to let go. Letting go is going to feel like you just had a death in the family. Know that you are strong and can endure.

So yes, I wanted another kid. Yes, I wanted my marriage to work. Yes, I wanted my business to blossom. Yes, I wanted all these things. Yes, I wanted to grow old with my ex. But things change. I never saw it ending like this, never. However, sometimes life happens and we have to be thankful for the steps we took to get there. There is no one to blame; it was 50/50. But I do know that I am moving forward in a positive direction confidently and learning from my past. I do not regret any of this, yet I don’t understand how things could still be this way.


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A Note to My Husband: To the Husband Who is My Rock

To the husband who is my rock.

It seems like we just met yesterday, and your brother introduced us to one another. It is crazy how fast time flies by. TEN years of marriage we have reached. I knew we could do it! But, really and truly, we have hit a lot of bumps in life and continue to lean upon one another every day.

  • You know I am an introvert. I don’t confess my feelings or communicate well at all. This is who I have been my whole life, and I take things WAY too personally. We always read about how hard motherhood really is or how wives take credit for everything, but what about dads? Dads are JUST as special and deserve some recognition.


So, with our ten year anniversary hitting this month, I want you to know how special you truly are to me. I hope that you can see things through my eyes. With Father’s Day also coming around the corner, I can’t help but really be thankful for all that you, my husband and sugar daddy, have done for us. Lately it seems like we need to reconnect and rely on one another so this is an extra special post.


Without further ado, here it goes!

Dear Chris,

You have been my best friend for over 12 years now. You have been my rock. You helped me discover who I was and who I wanted to be. You supported me more than I can ever acknowledge and appreciate. We have never been traditional by any means. We were married at the justice of the peace, and endured more than most couples simply because of you being in the army. That has resulted in us withstanding three moves, three deployments, and so much more. I am glad to be on this journey with you.


I love all of these characteristics about you, even when it seems like we are falling:

  1. You put in long hours of work. You could come home, get out of the army, or make up excuses to leave. But you don’t. You have always been dedicated and loyal to everything that you do. That is what I love most about you – and what makes us perfect for one another. We always had the same goals.
  2. Go above and beyond. Along the same lines as the first, but you know what needs to be done and always achieve the goal. I remember just recently when you saved someone from a motorcycle crash. Did you need to get out of your car and help them? No. But you did and you went above and beyond expectations.
  3. Take care of us. Whenever any of us need something, you are right there. Like telling me to just do it. Because, let’s face it, I am stubborn and frugal at times. But, even beyond money, you take care of us. You listen and provide us with solutions whenever we feel so stuck.
  4. Always looking out for us. Everyone wants the best for their family, but your actions always speak better for us. You choosing to reenlist means the world to us knowing that we are settled for another couple of years while we focus on Antonio and my business. I know you believe in us, and that is why you attend to our needs.

You are the dad, and husband, that will drop anything for his wife and son. I never knew how much I really loved you until we became parents and grew older. There is something about becoming parents that makes life so different. We realized what we had, and what our future holds. Thank you for being the best husband and father that we could ever ask for. Happy ten year anniversary, my love. 

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